Friday 2nd February - money's all gone

I didn't want January to prove itself as a bad month - I already knew it was. And now, in it's final act of revenge, January has left me with no money, and it's a week until I get paid next.

My final rest day has flown by, and I'm now preparing myself for work again. I was woken up by the cat yowling just after Midnight so I was up for an hour then. Then when I woke up this morning at 8am, I woke in one of the blackest moods possible as I know I'm at work tomorrow.

This is normal for me, I just hate the thought of going to work, and my last day off is always full of black moods and absolute dread.

It's not the job that does this to me - although I don't particularily like my job, and I've had worse, it's just as if I go into mental closedown the day before I have to go out to work.

Talking of going out, I haven't been outside the front door since I got back on my first day off last Saturday. Not once. On that count, at least, I've been lucky.

The day got progressively worse as I realised the money problem. My wifes car is out of petrol, so I'm having to use mine for another week as I put petrol in it last weekend just before the fault got really bad and I had to take it off the road. So, I'm using a car in danger of breaking down because we have no money for petrol for the other one.

I have no money for cigarettes, newspapers or anything else for work this week.

And the uncertainty of the car breaking down multiplies my feeling of dread 100 times. It's bad enough been forced to go out again, let alone with no money, no petrol, and a car breakdown.

My proper St Johns Wort tablets came today, so that's one positive thing about today. Trouble is though, that they take 2-3 days to soak into my system and start to work.

All I've done today is work on the retail web site, and a little bit of advertising this afternoon. No sales though. Paypal and Bank Account empty. I've still got a thousand and one things to do, and now I've wasted this week decorating, there's no time left.

What a life

"Eliminating failure as an option"

Paul