Friday 30th March - So Angry with my lot today

just can't see the way forward somehow. Don't ge me wrong, I'm not asking for sympathy or anything stupid like that

But every day bills come through the door and I just can't do anything at all. Today is the day my wife is due to speak to Emma Schofield from KLFM's Sixth sense Psychic programme and she's due to ring Emma at 4pm today. I'm picking my son up from work so she can stay in, do tea, and make the phone call. This has been in the air since Valentines Day, when I paid for the reading for her as a special present.

I got up today and found BT's put the phone on restricted service because I still haven't paid that extra bill they sent out because their machinery wasn't doing the job right and didn't record all our phone calls, and they sent 2 different bills in a fortnight. I've paid the normal, quarterly bill but just can't raise funds to pay this extra bill.

Not yet, anyway.

And the wife also informs me we need more heating oil this payday, which is another £200 out of my wages, in addition to £94 Council tax and the last water bill, about £150 if memory serves me right.

And all this is on top of the increased mortgage and secured loan payments payments to clear the arrears.

Just can't see what I'm going to do at the moment.

The wife's going to be back in about 10-15 minutes, excited about making THAT call. And I've got to tell her that she can't. Telecom have agreed that, as its their fault for sending out an extra bill, they'll reconnect us today, but it will take up to 24 hours officially.

You know, life really stinks sometimes. The problem overall is that, this isn't just a bad month. It'll be the same next month, and the month after that. And it'll carry on for years to come. I just cannot break this problem and the circle of anger, frustration, desperation,hardship, and things going wrong, will carry on. Seemingly, for ever.

Okay, I'm getting ready for the wife coming back. Until tomorrow

Paul

This original posting, including any replies, can be found at:http://www.itsmymarket.com/blogs/knightrider45

I'll Have a P please Bob

Or, rather, a Capital P. Found out today that there's a bug in my web page creator program on the computer, and any page I name with a capital letter is not converted to HTML, which means the web page isn't made properly!

Fortunately, I've only named one page with a capital letter, and that's the Privacy page. I've renamed the page using a small p but I've still got to correct over 2,300 pages that contain the old link with the Capital P!

Something else for the weekend then. Ah well, at least I found it before the site goes live!

Its now 6pm, and I'm quickly posting before I have to go out for the nightshift again. Apart from the Capital P heart stopping (breaking) moment, theres nothing to report from today really, except the wife had to go into work again on a day off because we, or rather, the Vultures, want more money again.
Until tomorrow
Paul

Wednesday 28th March - half way through the week

And theres not a lot to report at the moment! I love this "normal" routine. Maybe that Negative Energy Blocker I made last week as part of this Law Of Attraction course is working

Well, apart from the mood side of my life that is. I'm fortunate this week in one respect because I'm in the Isolation stage again and just want to be left alone. and having to go out all the time again. But at least the debt letters, touch wood, are leaving me alone for a while.

It was a wonderful suprise on Monday because I managed to scurry off somewhere and spend the entire nightshift on my own until 6.30 in the morning. I hope I can do the same tonight.
Sometimes, just wanting to be on my own is the hardest part, but it is an important part of this thing I've got because, eventually, the isolation breaks the mood and I start to look forward to having company again.Then I start to climb back up at this point. Its just so hard to reach this breakeven point.

Apart from that, very tired, having just got up. Got three fairly important emails to answer which I'm just going to do now, then start getting ready for work and doing tea when everyone comes back home. Roll on 7am Saturday Morning!

Until tomorrow
Paul

Tuesday 27th - Almost there & the teabag chase

Do you ever see soething that you think is there? No, I havent lost it! But on Sunday we got low on tea bags - and I love my tea. Must drink gallons every day!

Anyway, teabags getting low, checked the cupboard, there's another box. No problem.

Sunday, 5pm (ish) the teabags ran out. Went to the cupboard, got the spare box out. Earl Grey, which someone had given us about Christmas time because they didn't like them.

Neither do I. Bloody horrible, in fact! I'm a traditional, English tea drinker, strong and sweet. so, at 5pm Sunday, I had a choice. Either go out to Fakeham and get a box of PROPER teabags, or just exist. I did try a cup of this Earl Grey to save going out, but no good. Threw it away. Yuk!

Faced with the second choice, rummaging through the cupboards, of coffee (Ok occasionally, but it upsets my stomach) and Cocoa (the malt in this makes my stomach feel as though it's full of glass within seconds of drinking a cup) I had to make an emergency journey to Fakenham, or otherwise go without a drink until the morning.

Full scale emergency journey to Fakenham. Acquired the box of 80 Yorkshire Teabags (nice and strong). £2.18. Back to normal. One and a half hours to decide what to do, go out and get some, then come home. Next time I'll double check the packets!!

OK, positive things about today. Spoken to both the mortgage and secured loans companies, agreed a repayment package to pay back the arrears we owe them, in addition to the normal payments of course. Legal action, providing I make the payments, avoided.

Web site up and running - put the index page up this morning. Let my search engine spider crawl the site whilst I was in bed after last night's shift. Uploaded the search engines search file when I got up this afternoon, got it working OK. I can now search my site! I've got to retune the search results file though as the search engine has picked everything up -good! but it takes an age to load because the sites so big. Not good! So I'll manually retune the results over the weekend, when I'm off from "work"

Then it's just a case of updating the site weekly as I find new lines to add.

Worst thing about today: the wifes had to work her day off because we need the money. Said to her this morning that I'm ashamed and embarrassed of the situation we're in. Still looking for the way forward. Still can't find it yet.

Thanks for your comments yesterday guys, really appreciate your kind thoughts. Because of the nature of this blog, I can't feel comfortable saying what I do or where I work. I can talk about things here because no one knows who I am. I don't want that to change, and I don't think I could face most people if they know so much about me.


Okay, time to get the tea ready for everyone, then out to work at 6.15 for another nightshift.
Until tomorrow,
Paul

Monday 26th March - One more week of nights

Well, here we are. After having the weekend off from "work" I'm ready for another week of nights. Roll on 7am Saturday!

Saturday I was still stressed out so I did nothing at all after getting up at 12.30 except check the old emails a couple of times.

I've had a couple of sales over the weekend too, nothing much, but I've got 10% to this months fees ($300, or, about, £160-170).

I've done a bit more cost cutting on the business by cancelling access rights to a couple of groups, so starting yesterday, and finishing about 10.30am this morning, I've taken about 250 groups out of the submitter. Very time consuming, but, by the end of this week when I review things again, I'd have saved the business about £60 monthly (which comes out of my wages, don't forget!)

Yesterday I concentrated on repairing THAT computer I picked up last weekend. Fitted a new power unit, but the things still dead. That's a motherboard (expensive) repair then, so I'm taking it back tonight. Haven't got the time nor the cash up front to repair it - besides that, the young man would be better off buying a new one. Yes, the repairs that big.

Two more pages to do on the new web site now - the privacy policy and the main home page. Laptops going to work with me tonight so I can get a headstart on this.

The St John's Wort isn't working anymore. I had an average day yesterday, which is the first day for about a week, and I've gone back today. At about 2pm today I nearly rang work and gave the job up.

Money's totally short and at 42, I should be a lot better off than what I am now. Still fighting my way forward, but at the moment, life stinks.

Until tomorrow
Paul

Friday 23 March - Turning the pages onto mum's birthday

Hello Mum! Happy Birthday - suprise! I can't get down to give you your flowers so I thought I'd send you an open letter instead.

As I changed the logs over at work last night, and wrote today's date on the new ones, I realised that todays your birthday. Your 76th Birthday no less.

Your birthday today is really significant for me you see, because this is your first birthday since we found out late last year that you'd died in September, 2003.

Walsall Social Services didn't see fit to tell me you see, and whereas I'd normally send you a good wish thought to wherever you were, I can't do it this year, because you're not here.

Wasn't that last argument of yours a bit silly now when you look back? Do you remember? It was when I brought my new wife and your brand new grand daughter to see you at the residential home you were in at the time. You ignored them both, upsetting both of them, making them both cry, because, I think, anyway, we couldn't have you come and live with us. Remember mum? Thats the last time I saw you.

That new grand daughter who you met then is 15 this year, and she's turned into a beautiful, articulate & intelligent young lady. Oh Mum, you've missed so much, especially with the other 3 kids turning into responsible adults as well. All through that stupid attitude of yours.

The one that cost us as a family so much over the years. Oh, don't get me wrong mum, I know we had good times as well, but the bad times, well, the bad times were really bad weren't they?

Do you rember my first really bad case of gastro enteritus? I can't remember the exact date, but I do remember that it started the day my middle sister-your second daughter- didn't come home because Social Services had taken her into care after she went to school with THAT suicide note. You spoilt your second daughter rotten over the rest of us. Well, that spoilt daughter ended up in a residential mental home last thing I heard, so spoiling her didn't do her much good did it mum? Especially as she was only in her 20s when it happened.

Then, there's the time you'd had that argument with dad and locked me out, and wouldn't let me in the house for a couple of hours in the middle of winter when I was 12.

And do you remember the neighbours in Booth Street calling the Police out to you because they though you'd gone over the top with the way you punished me and my oldest sister in the street when we went riding on the bike without getting your permission first. How old was I then mum? Eight, nine, maybe ten even.

And do you know, I haven't seen my oldest Sister since she was taken into care at 14? She'll be 41 soon.

And why didn't you tell me about that early morning knock on the door from the Police and Social Services just after I'd left home? Why did I only find out a couple of years ago that you'd been arrested and taken down to the Police station to give Social Services the chance to take my baby sister into care as well when she was 12? How did you cope with going back to that empty house after?

Although I'll never forget mum, I am learning to understand as I get older. You see, mum, the things that went on in your head, you've passed some of them onto me. I'm on day 4 of a really black, dark mood, the same as you used to have for weeks on end.

I remember when you didn't go out of the house for 5 years. Not once. Well mum, I feel that way too, but I've got to go out, because we need money, and as the man of the house, it's my job to get it.

And I get your migraines too.

But mum, I never behave the way you did. I just don't feel the need to, see. I treat my family as a blessing, not like the inconvenience you treated us as (well except Daughter 2 anyway).

So, mum, my Birthday presnt to you this year, is one I can give you for the first time in years. Its understanding mum. I understand. I will bring you your flowers a bit later on, but I just haven't got the time at the moment to make the 350 mile round trip to visit your grave.

And me and my baby sister are taking action against Walsall Social services. Did you know, they've lost all our records? My baby sister has got a letter of apology from them, and me, well, they don't even bother answering my letters. They still haven't told me you've died yet.

Anyway mum, I've got to go. This is my last letter to you. A little bit of closure for me. Turning those logs over to todays date was the most distressing thing I've done in years. I just wish I wasn't at work when I did it. Still it's over now. This is my first day of grieving for you. that's why this 42 year old man's crying like a baby.

Now that you've passed onto the other side, I hope God has repaired the damage he let you be born with. And if you are visiting all your children on your birthday, please make sure you come into my house at 5pm today when we're all together, because then you'll see a brilliant, close family, just like what your family should have been like.

Bye mum, see you soon.
Your loving son Paul.
xx
ps, love to dad

Thursday 22nd March - Law Of Attraction Part 2

Its well known at work that I'm the original unlucky guy with the colleagues I work with. As I'm interested in psychology and the rest of it, I'm beginning to wonder if I do attract all the bad luck to me myself.

I spent 90 plus hours last week when I was off from work uploading my new retail site - when I went to check a couple of page names yesterday afternoon to make the links for the main home page I couldn't connect up to the site.

Every single page had just disappeared. On trying to coonect to the start page all I got was a page saying CPanel installed!

Almost 2,000 pages gone. Overnight.

I found this out at work on nightshift, so I couldn't do anything then. I don't like using the works computer for my own stuff because of keyloggers. Basically, for those that don't know, a keylogger is a software program installed by most companies (who are responsible for monitoring what staff do on computers by law). These programs record every thing you type on the computer and email it to the system administrator. Just imagine, some unknown person where you work knows exactly what you do, what time you do it, and how long you spend doing it. I know this through my PC Technician coursework, and so, I'm really dubious about using works computers.

This triggered a massive black mood which lasted through my nightshift and as I drove home after finishing, i was ready to pack everything in. Total.

As soon as I got back in, I went to email the person who looks after my server, but before I did, I checked the web site again. And it had returned. This is called Propogation, and basically, once a back up is run on a website, the site closes down and it has to re-propogate. because my site is so big, this takes hours.

Lesson learned. I've stopped the automatic back ups!

I'm still reading through this Law of attraction book I've got. And a chapter I read last night suggests that whatever I focus on, good or bad, attracts the same . What you think about, you bring about. What you think, how you feel, what you say, lines up with a matching experience in life.

So, I've followed one of the suggestions, and made me "Negative, Low Energy Blocker" (NLEB) which I'm to carry about with me, and the theory is that whenever something goes wrong, I hold this NLEB and turn the bad luck around by concentrating on what I want, not what's happening. The law of attraction then kicks in.

Standby for updates...........
Paul

This post is a mirror post of: http://www.itsmymarket.com/blogs/knightrider45/

Message for Christoph

Thanks for reading! this blog is a back up to my main blog here:

http://www.itsmymarket.com/blogs/knightrider45/

I'm sure you'll find the answers to all your questions here! Come and join us! Its free (of Course). If you have any more questions just reply to this post and I'll get back to you.

Paul

Wednesday 21st March - This will not be a political Blog!

Hmmm....seems I've ruffled a few feathers with my posting yesterday. I didn't intend to do this, nor do I intend this blog to turn political. That's not what its about.

So, you're right eddy2sox, this blog will always be about the real stuff - what goes on in my life.
Like most people, I have strong beliefs in certain things, and as this blog is about my life, it's obvious that everything interacts with it. Including politics. As it interacts with my life, it interacts here in this blog.That's the whole point of keeping a blog - my online diary - online.

Budget day affects us all, and yesterdays posting was a reflection about what I'm thinking about at the time. Could just have easily been family, or the weather, my job, or whatever.

It was just a one off comment about something that's happening now and which is very real. It doesn't - and won't- mean the blogs changing it's format because it's not.

But I'd like to pull you up on one thing if I can Simon; everyone's opinions should be welcomed here providing they're legal, decent, honest and moral. And that includes the political ones too.

The more the merrier - it'll build this blog up into a worthwhile community and attract more traffic and eventually build significance up for all IMM Bloggers. No one's forced to read blogs they dont agree with or aren't interested in.

Okay, that's it. Just got back in after a freezing cold nightshift, it's now 8.30, and bedtime.

Paul

Budget Day Reminder

With just hours to go now almost, here's just a few reasons why its not going to get better whilst Labour, and Gordon Brown are in charge. The way forward is to bring Margaret thatcher back out of retirement
1. Gordon Brown has lifted the tax threshold to breaking point.
2. The International monetary fund have "advised" him to cut spending.
3. To finance his spending sprees on the Labour reknown Tax & Spend policy, he has raised the tax level to the highest in Twenty Years.
4. Interest rates have risen to a nominal 5.5%, at the same time, house prices are falling sharply

So, thank you, Mr Brown, for forcing me to contribute to Labours wasteful spending policies with the highest tax I have ever paid.

I see industrial decline, falling educational standards, Feral youths, a breakdown in Law and Order, the Stupid human Rights Act which protects Criminals over and above the innocent. I see Britains workers being priced out of the Labour market through Labours tax and spend policies.

We sent millions of men to their deaths fighting against a common state of Europe controlled by one central bank in 1940-1945, and now Labour tax us, extortionately, to pay for the "Priviledge" of belonging to the European Union, controlled by a bank and several left wing lunatics in Strassbourg who directly control our policies here.

I want to buy in pounds and ozs Labour, I want to keep our Pounds and Pence. I want Britain to stay British.

And I certainly don't want to pay you, through taxes, for giving away my heritage to faceless politicians in Europe.

Just a few reminders for you, Mr Brown, when you give us the budget this week.

Paul

Let the (nightshift) heartaches begin

Well, I enjoyed the lie in until 7.30 this morning after getting up at 5am for the last two days! Only disadvantage to this is that I'm starting nights tonight again

Mothers Day went so fast and the dishwasher this morning coped admirably with the two loads of dishes from yesterday. As I said yesterday, the first time the family was altogether since Christmas eve.

My wife was supposed to have had her reading today with KLFM's physic, Emma Schofield, but we experienced confusion at 4pm. I was expecting Emma to ring us, but as it turns out, we're supposed to ring her.

My wifes reading has now been rescheduled for 4pm, Friday 30th of this month. A very late Valentines Day present!

I've spent most of the day tidying up my new web site and uploading a few more sales pages I'd forgotten I'd done - so much for having to use 2 computers on the same job. It's all done now though, and I'm doing the index pages and it will be fully operational over the next two days, depending on how busy tonights shift is. Hopefully, I'll be left alone for a while!

This is a special tribute to my friend and work colleague Andrew, who, having realised my predicament this month, dropped in to see me at work yesterday on his day off to lend me some money.

Hows that for a friend? Desperation turned into (temporary) salvation.

This month goes to prove one thing though - I can't afford to have holidays from work because I lose too much money. I'm, once again, rejuggling my household accounts. I almost gave my job up on Sunday until andrew came and saw me - I'd seen this part time job on job Center Plus on Friday working Fri-Sat-Sun days. I was going to apply for this, and just go part time where I am now working Mon-Tues-Weds days, finishing at 3pm, and just having Thursdays as a day off.
This would give me an extra £130 per month before tax. Finishing at 3pm means I'll be home in time to work on the business for two or 3 hours every Mon-Tues-Weds day.

But I've changed my mind, because, staying where I am, I can earn more with overtime, or by working for an agency on my days off. I just can't afford to take holidays. Not yet, anyway.

Until tomorrow,
Paul

Sunday 18th March - Mothers Day

Thought I'd get an early post in today (or is it a late one from yesterday?) Nothing to report really, a routine weekend.

Worked yesterday day shift, starting at 7, got back in at 4.30pm, did a little bit of work on the web site in between waching a few TV programmes (No SKY - remember?).

The wife is still disappointed to lose the sky because, as she says, I'm never here enough for it to affect me. Now she has a choice of 5 main channels, instead of the hundred or so she had 3 days ago.

Talikng of Sky, had a couple of bills come in yesterday, as well as the notice of interest rise on the mortgage, which in our case, is now 8.03% as I can't get a "status" mortgage.

I'm still managing to deal with the post the day it arrives (that is a major development for me) although, fair tyo say, I'm only collecting & filing bits of paper at the moment.

Yesterdays delights were a sky final demand for £74.00 and the Council Tax of £899.78. Marvellous. My monthly outgoings have just gone up by £90.00!

Onto better things. Todays Mothers Day and we'll have all the kids around today for dinner, which is the first time we've all been together since Christmas Eve. That's something to look forward to and I'm sure it will break the monotany (spelling?) here for a day anyway.

I've nothing to give my wife today. Except a promise that somehow, I'll turn this crappy situation we're in around and make it better for her.

Okay, its 5.35am, and time for a final cup of tea and I'm off to work.

Until tomorrow
Paul

Friday 16th March - Time Off Ends

And so endeth a week of freedom, therefore starting another week of captivity. Back to "work" tomorrow. Just a few highlights from my final day of freedom this time round

Firstly my daughter, The Teenage One, has successfully picked up a bug from her school and brought it home with her. So she had the day off.

The web site is uploaded. Hooray. I've been working on this for well over 12 months now, and I've loaded the final sales page on line about an hour and half ago. The site is still not perfect, still got a few lines and pages to fill up, but it's done. All I've got to do now is one big index page (the home page) and about 7 small index headers and its finished.

Mionday I'll be installing the search engine I brought at the end of last month and letting it "crawl" the site to build up its contents file. I'll start advertising the site as soon as the Data protection (yawn) licence comes through and register it with the tax office Monday. Done. Sorted.

Was supposed to have rang Barclays this morning to cancel another Direct Debit due out today, but couldn't face another Home and Contents Insurance conversation with someone in India. So, I've just let the Direct Debit bounce. That's costing me £15, but even that's better than going through the Indian call centre, for me anyway. Must change my bank account this month.

The phone has been going crazy all day and it's really peed me off. I won't answer unknown numbers. (Due to my complex with the phone, I've paid for caller display and I've got a scanner installed on the line. I know I'm extreme, but, that's me, I just hate the telephone. Full Stop). So having said that, you can guess the numbers were all "Unknown", "International", or worse still, those sales centres on 0800 numbers.

Number of calls not answered - I guess, 7 or 8. Times the phone was almost thrown through the window after distracting me from my web site work: exact match!

And the finale: spoke to the mortgage company, who rang me by suprise. Spoke to a nice, understanding lady called Wendy, they've agreed to accept arrears payments of £143 something monthly until they're cleared off. Sorted, although that now makes the normal mortgage payment £865 from 15th April. I pay more on a mortgage every month than some people earn!

Oh, and they told me the mortgage is going up next month as well, so I think everyone else has also got the last interest increase coming through over the next few weeks.

Just timed it right with the Council tax coming out. Aren't I lucky?

Until tomorrow
Paul

Thursday 15th March - 1am and all is well

Well, almost anyway! Still working on uploading the new web site, and have been since 10am this morning (yesterday, to be grammatically correct)

And its a case of sloooooooow progress. Takes ages to upload some web pages, especially those with lots of photos on, but I'm getting there. Just thought I'd quickly throw a blog post in for the day and get some sleep.

Nothing else to tell really. Two new sales from the marketing business, but didn't get around to advertising properly like I was hoping to, so, hopefully, I'll do that tomorrow, or later today (1am now), even if it means physically stopping the uploading for a couple of hours.

Todays my last day of my ideal life, because in 30 hours, I'm back at work, starting the day shift at 7am Saturday morning. Then a short day on Sunday, and then back to nights on Monday to Friday.

Really really hoping to have the web site up and running for Monday. After that, it's just a case of uploading new sales pages as I come across new wholesalers and things like that. Weekly maintenance, instead of the 18-19 hour days I'm spending on it at the moment.

I'm really looking forward to my next days off because I'll be free from all this web site stuff. Do gardening, washing the car, but, most importantly, being INVOLVED with the family, instead of just being here ("up the corner on his computer again"). It'll be good to be human again.

Then, I'll start to look for more part time work on my days off to bring some more cash into the house.

Just the two upsets today; firstly, I had another one of the Vultures letters come through, again demanding money, and secondly, SKY cut us off because we haven't paid the bill. Tough, they'll just have to wait a bit.

Until tomorrow
Paul

Wednesday 14th March - One More Day Gone

I've managed to stay in today! Hooray! The first day I've not had to go out since I finished my last nightshift last Saturday morning.

And there's nothing to report from today really,been on the computer all day again and I'm toying around with the idea of going to bed now. The cat decided it was hungry again at 7.30am, and woke me up to tell me. Ever been clawed and "padded" by a cat when you're asleep? Not good!

Thanks millions for the messages I got back yesterday guys - the feeling I'm not alone in this MESS is truely gratifying.

Web site uploading's now started to come on nicely, I've just uploaded the 58th section so I'm roughly half way through what I want to do.

Had a reply from Education Blog Yesterday on one of my earlier blogs in which I said that I hope all these problems would soon come to an end and I'd be normal. EB said that I should wash my mouth out with soap because I shouldn't be aiming to be normal as it's it's so boring, dull, mindnumbing etc.

Well, food for thought! I'd never thought of it like that. All I want to do is just pay the bills on time without worrying, but I didn't see that as boring, well, not really anyway. Routine perhaps, but I certainly don't aim to be boring.

When that day comes and I die, I want my last thoughts on looking back at my life to be saying "I'm glad I did", not "I wish I had" . I know I fly through life by the seat of my pants sometimes, but I don't like it this way, and in any case, my stomach, head and other body problems tell me it's not good to live life with every day a daily struggle. Need a comfortable routine.

Or is it that the Daily Struggle keeps life "Interesting?". I don't know, but I DO know I'm getting fed up of the struggle.

Education Blog - thanks for raising the other side of the equation. I must admit I hadn't thought of it like that. BUT the burning desire to provide for myself and my family comfortably is my Ultimate Goal.

Okay, signing off again now. Hoping to do so serious advertising tomorrow for my marketing business. I've had no sales at all now for about a week. Oh, and before I forget again, my son's friends did come through for us in the end, and the roof was repaired on Saturday. One problem down, thousands to go........

Bernie, the bolt please........! Aim & Fire!

Until tomorrow
Paul

Tuesday 13th March - Wolves Are At The door

Me again gang. Nothing to report from today really, haven't done much with the business at all today, my wife had the day off so I've spent most of the day decorating

Or, more correctly, putting up coving to finish the front room off, and more importantly than that, getting it to stay up!

I didn't think this simple job could be so difficult. And why aren't my walls level with each other at the top? The coving doesn't half bow in parts.

I did have to go out today after all, and that, along with one of the Vultures ringing up demanding money within the next 5 days otherwise our account will go into default as it will be 2 months payments outstanding, spoilt the day.

Problem is, this is a secured loan, and I just don't like the idea of it going into default as it could put the house at risk. Massive pain in the a*se.

Trying to convince my wife at the moment that we don't need Sky. Really feel bad about this, as I know she likes to watch certain channels when she's on her own as I'm working nightshifts. Just doesn't seem fair.

Watched a programme called Beat the Baliffs on BBC1 this morning. Here's me, struggling to pay normal household bills, and then there's this other couple this morning, in debt up to the eyeballs through credit cards, luxury things like computers, electronics, they had all the mod cons, and a £2000 Go Kart in the kitchen. They reckon they're £28,000 in debt through reckless spending, including 2 holidays abroad every year.

And I can't pay for heating oil unless I take it from the mortgage. And the water bill came through today, that's another £190 to find from somewhere.

I've got to break this situation, somehow. Break it's back and meet all the bills for just one month as a start.

So, I'm hoping to have the web site on line by the end of this week as I said yesterday. I'm going to have next weekend off, then, a week on Mopnday, I'm going to register with an agency or something to get a part time job somewhere.

That will mean a full time job, a business, and a part time job somewhere. It's got to be done.
Okay, that's it. bedtime. Bloody cat woke me up this morning at 5.30! it's been a long day.

Until tomorrow,
Paul

Monday 12th March - New Payday, New Debt

I haven't got around to changing my bank account yet (its called Time) and I thought I'd be clever today and beat THAT Barclays Indian call scandal

So I waited until 10.30 before ringing the 0845 number we have to ring.Thought we'd get the Monday morning rush out of the way, and I'd be able to talk to someone in Merseyside or Glasgow.

No prizes then, for guessing that I was connected straight to the call centre in India again. Cancelled the direct debit I needed, which took all of 90 seconds, then we started the Home and Contents conversation,AGAIN, which I reckon lasted about 4 minutes.

Marvellous. Barclays.you need lessons in customer care. Same as Prudential, reading todays EDP. The man from the Pru will never be the same in my minds eye again. Thats another company on my banned list then. If these companies cannot invest in Britain, and it's workers they try so hard to take their money from, I don't consider them fit to be here. Isn't it funny, how the sales centres are always in Britain, and you talk to English call centres, then when you sign the dotted line, everything's done through India?

Not in my world it isn't.

Onto somewhat better things. The mortgage company don't half give me a rollicking when I miss a payment, so I hate ringing them to pay by debit card. I can only have a basic bank account as a result of a previous bankruptcy from a failed business (now that IS a long story, full of heartache, so we'll move on again quickly), so I had a flash of inspiration on the way Barclays at Fakenham.

I got a bankers draft and paid the monthly payment of £693.37 wit that. No arrears payment this month. We'll post it off to them in the morning. Ha! Sorted.

Disadvantage- It cost me £10 to do it, and I had to go out on my day off AGAIN to sort this, but at least I don't have to talk to them. I really don't know whats worse sometimes- going out or using the telephone.

I hate both with a passion. Same as the post really. All forms of communication that instantly affect me in one way or another. Hate the lot. At least I'm anomynous (can never spell that word!) here.

Only here, can I talk and tell people things I can't talk about at home. That's why the therapists say this blogging - or journalising as they call it- is good for the soul.

Best thing about today? I've sorted the web site out and I've actually started uploading it onto my server. at last. Hurray!

Should have this finished by Friday. But I won't count my chickens before they hatch. I don't have to go out tomorrow, I think, I hope, so I can stay in MY world for a day.

I know I'm sad, but I just don't want to be "in" with the outside world.

Until tomorrow
Paul

At last I'm back in

I've had severe problems logging into blogger.com sinceI was upgraded with a google account. this is the first time in a month I've been able to log in. Hopefully, back to normal now!