Something's Got To Give

Nothing changes does it, really?

Every day I'm hounded by people chasing me for money. By phone and door knocking. And I'm getting really, really peed off with it all.


Every day another call (or 3). Another agreement.And it just goes on and on and on. And if Sky ring me once more they're going to get the phone rammed somewhere which is distinctly uncomfortable.


My wife chose me over a stable, comfortable life. All I've done, seemingly, is taken her deeper and deeper in a world of debt, despair and hopelessness.


Okay, there's been 27,539 repossession orders this year nationwide. I've kept my house. So that makes me better than 27,539 other people. But only just. And that's by the skin of my teeth. This month, it might be a different story. Again.


It seems as if I'm constantly fighting to stay still. Fending off phone callers and people. Deciding what I must pay this month (with the help of a baliff), and what I can't pay.


I just can't seem to earn enough to feed all the vultures constantly circling around me. My P60 shows that I earned just over £22,000 last year - but the house costs £34,000 a year to run, which includes everything imaginable. And £500 emergency bank balance for boiler/car/other house breakdown and repairs.


I'm losing all sense of structure, of control, of reasoning. Prices and taxes go up on a daily basis, my wages stay still. And this is just cost of living.


As a family, besides the mortgage, we don't have any credit cards, credit agreements, loans, HP or anything. I'm struggling, both with how things are, and trying not to simply give it all in, to give up.


A man at work's had to have a management interview because he keeps losing his temper. Turns out he owes £220,000 on a mortgage and a further £20,000 on credit cards. And he earns less than me. As he loses control of his life, he loses control of his behaviour.


I can't earn enough to live. But, if I had a credit card, I wouldn't have a single problem whatsoever. But I can't get a credit card - not that I'd have one anyway. It will just mean another bill, phone call, visitor, or court summons.


So, I'll just keep struggling on. But what makes everything worse is that it involves my wife and kids as well. And that, alone, is something I really struggle to deal with.